If you immediately feel yourself shying away at just the word “BDSM”, we don’t blame you. Aside from the slightly raunchy Rihanna tune, BDSM is more often than not kept out of the public limelight, reserved for porn sites and dodgy fetish forums only. Even Fifty Shades of Grey doesn’t tell the full story about what BDSM really is.
Actually, BDSM is something that we shouldn’t be afraid of, or worse, sneer about to our friends. It’s broken into three different categories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism (which makes “BDSM” make more sense). Those words can be a little intense for people who are new to BDSM, but it really is what an individual – or a couple – chooses to make of it.
You might think BDSM is all about pain and horror – and why would anyone want to subject themselves to that? Unsurprisingly, there’s more to BDSM than you might have read or seen. For a start, BDSM is all about connection. If you don’t have trust in your partner, you’re not going to handle the whole dominance/submission thing very well. There’s always control on both ends of the partnership, and there’s an understanding between the two on what is and what isn’t acceptable.
Another thing to remember is that the whole point of BDSM is to cause pleasure, not pain. A healthy BDSM couple will make it their aim to please the other person, and physical abuse that’s too intense or not consented is not what BDSM is all about. That’s why communication is so important in a BDSM relationship – and why so many BDSM couples are stronger because of their ability to open up and be vulnerable.
So, how do you get started with BDSM? It might be daunting to even think about right now. First communicate with your partner and see if the two of you are on the same page (remember consent is always imperative). If you’re not even familiar with sex toys, they might be a good place to start. Get used to power play by blindfolding your partner, or letting them blindfold you, and see where things go from there.
There are plenty of things you can buy online to encourage BDSM, including a whole host of bondage gear, which can really help you to get in the mood. Alternatively, you can go along way with role play and your own imaginations. BDSM is truly what you make of it.